Review on Lover's Rose in Inkitt Contest

Fred Bacca

Feb 9, 2015

A Critique of a great read

Hi Sacha, Great story! Really gave me a strong sense of claustrophobia and at the end - terror. The character of Rose was particularly enthralling and your style adds to the sense of dread and horror. I love the way you subtly drip us information:: long distance relationship , pregnancy the ex... The scene is set beautifully. It is, thus far, the best story I have read in the horror competition. and I have definitely given it a vote. It is only because I enjoyed the story so and I rated so highly than I am prepared to offer some critique on points where I think the story could be tinkered with to improve. I have not taken the time to do this for other stories. However, if you prefer not to read my criticism please stop reading NOW. If your are still reading, then you have my congratulations, you are truly brave: My points on the Lover's Rose are as follows. Sarah: While the events and feelings she endures during the story are rendered balefully and beautifully she suffers a little from being a plain character with few flaws meaning the two other characters are of more mystery and interest. I call it Harry Potter syndrome, and this can be found in many a novel. She is generally reactive in her actions, rather than proactive and is too innocent to emphasize with (though this could be my own twisted mind at work). For instance when she goes to make her second hot chocolate and says "I need a hot chocolate", instead you could have her saying "I really need a whiskey/wine". this makes her look a little deviant but as she has hot chocolate afterwards brings *a conflict to her character. Description: We learn very early that Sarah is a red head and you refer to her as "the redhead" very often too often in fact. Do not be afraid to use normal pronouns and highlight other physical attributes other than the red hair. I will hold my critique there and really hope I did not offend or upset you, as I mentioned I only critiqued because I loved the story. Though if you would like to read my story "The Chamber of Twisted Echoes" it is also in the competition and I would love your vote, criticism or even both (if I am really lucky) ;) Thanks for the great read, Fred



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